Namesake

I've always liked my name. I wanted to change the spelling here and there when I was a kid (to be more "unique") but I've never actually wanted to change it. It was always interesting to me that other people choose our names and we're supposed to accept and love them. Some people have...interesting name choices to say the least. My two older sisters and I have normal names; which is fine with me. I learned a few years back that my mom wanted to name me Allison but (obvi) they chose Stacey instead and through further discussion I was told I was named after someone. I thought ok awesome! I was named after somebody that was important in my parents lives. Who was I named after? Stacey McGill. If the name isn't familiar that's because well...it's not. My namesake is one of the main characters from the Baby-sitters Club book series. I was a little more than disappointed when I found out I was named after a fictional character. Now, don't get me wrong, I loved these books. I was an avid reader and this was one of the series that I couldn't get enough of. After I got a little older I thought ya know...that's kind of cool and I liked the idea of being named after someone even though that person doesn't really exist.

I guess for this story to make sense and you don't keep thinking my parents read little kids books I should tell you how they chose my name. I have two older sisters and my eldest is 6 years older than me. She was (from what I've been told) OBSESSED with these books and her favorite character was *drum roll* non other than Stacey McGill. I think it's because they were both into academics but that's beside the point. So, my due date comes closer and my mom still has her heart set on Allison. When I was born my sister says, "Mom, let's name her Stacey!" My mom just happened to like the name and it stuck. I'm really glad my sister got my mom to change her mind...my initials are SLR and I'm a photographer so it's perfect. SLR= Single Lens Reflex.

What would ALR stand for anyway? American Law Reports. Nothing fun and creative that's for sure.

So who knows...maybe when I have kids choosing their name will come down to choosing their career. Or maybe not.

North Carolina: Panera Bread

Hey y'all! I went to North Carolina to visit my best friend since pre-school (we are now 23) and here's some things I've noticed from being in the south:

1. Everything is fried 

1a. I'm ok with that 

2. No one uses turn signals and no matter what the speed limit is, it's always 80

3. Gas is cheaper here than in Ohio

4. Most people are really friendly

5. The boys are cuter...that may be from the accent 

Thursday night I drove down to Columbus to visit a friend for the night (and take time off of my 9.5 hour trip). Then I drove straight down to North Carolina. It was a long drive but luckily it didn't feel like it. I kind of wish I didn't have to drive because I wanted to look at the gorgeous views...not the safest or smartest to do while driving. Got here Friday and went to my friends play practice with her and then just relaxed the rest of the night. Saturday went to an audition for her and we sat around, ate pizza, and watched Disney movies. It's ok to admit you want my life right now ;) 

Before we dropped her off at her audition we went to Panera to get some breakfast. I'm just looking around the place people watching and lo and behold there's a cute boy working behind the counter. He was wearing straight leg grey jeans and had a curl peaking out from the front of his hat. Prettiest eyes I've ever seen too. When I saw him I think something like this happened: Woah! Cute guy alert!

People are being helped in front of us and of course he is the one that looks at us and says enthusiastically, "hey guys! What can I get for you today?" Is it sad that my heart skipped a beat a little? My friend went first (I'm shy and get even more so around cute boys). All I wanted was a hot chocolate. So, I order a small hot chocolate and he says we only have one size but it's a medium is that ok? He acted scared like I was gonna flip a shit. I must have looked like I hated the world but it was early and this girl isn't a morning person. I said, "Yeah, that's fine" and flashed my best smile. And let me tell you, his smile was as pretty as his eyes. He took the rest of our order and started getting it ready. He asked, "Do you want whip cream, hun?"  Normally I think it's creepy and unacceptable for anyone to call me hun but since he's my age and was very attractive I decided to let it slide. He handed me the hot chocolate and politely smiled again and then told my friend, "You're bagels ready right there." And pointed..slightly less polite maybe? Maybe I just had the look of damn you're hot on my face. I highly doubt I hid it well. They were fairly busy so we sat in a spot that conveniently let us be able to watch Mr. Hottie from afar. I swear he kept looking over at us but that is probably my wishful thinking ha. Lane from Panera you may see a missed connections ad on Craigslist coming your way ;)

 We dropped my friend off at her audition and while we were waiting for her to finish, her dad and I went back to sit at Panera. I know what you're thinking. Stacey, this is your second chance to try and talk to this guy. But for anyone that knows me knows I'm not going to go up and talk to a boy on my own...especially one that's extremely attractive. I was with my friends dad in an unfamiliar place and I thought it may be weird to try and get my flirt on while I was with her dad. So, I sat and read my book wishing he would come up and talk to me.

Really though who needs a handsome boy from Panera when I could have someone like this?

But, those things only happen in movies and my life is definitely not a movie. 

Selflessness

Ever since the iPad came out I thought, "I want that, I need it for my photograph business...and it's awesome." I saved my money and bought one a few weeks ago. I use it constantly and I absolutely love it. In fact, I'm typing this post on it right now. I watch The Ellen Degeneris Show almost every day other my mom and I always wish I could be more like her. She's so giving and loves to help and surprise people. She had a couple on the show a few days ago who had to have a surrogate for their coming baby because the mom was unable to have children. She gave them a lot of different supplies for the baby (their basement was also ruined in a recent flood). The joy they had was a great thing to see and it made me feel a little upset with myself.

I also watch Katie Couric's show, with my mother, and she had Kenny Chesney on there the same day Ellen had that couple. He said something that I completely agree with and that was that music can change lives. It changes your mood and can heal. Being a musician (sort of) I know this to be true. I am an artist though, and I have always had this philosophy towards art too. I can't help but feel like I can do something to help people. I wish I had the means. 

There's so many people who don't have a hot meal, who don't have running or clean water, no homes, no job, etc and here I am worrying about whether or not I could get an iPad. I have never felt more selfish. 

I need to do something meaningful with my life because right now I feel like time is ticking and I'm letting it waste away. 

The Big Apple

My senior year of high school my band (not the cool kind) took a trip to the Big Apple. We did some sightseeing but we were there to do some work. We had a session with the director of Phantom of the Opera! I was awestruck even though I had never heard of him before. Being from a small town in Ohio, this was a big deal. The only other major city I had traveled to before (for more than a day) was Chicago and it was alright. I didn't feel like I was at home or belonged there. But with New York..it was love at first sight. I didn't even mind the smell.

This is where dreams come true. 

We only spent a few days in the city but it was enough of a taste for me to want to go back. I've haven't stopped thinking about it since. The shopping, the tourism, the food. It's one of the art capitals in the United States and it's where I really want to be.

The last few years I've come to realize that I need to do this. If only my family would actually realize how important it is to me. They just judge and say, "You know it's expensive, right Stacey?" "It's hard to make it in New York." They're right. It is expensive and it is going to be hard. But I don't want to look back when I'm old and wrinkly and think what if? What if I had gone for my dream? Would I be happier..rich..poor? I have always lived on the safe side and not taken risks. Well this is my risk! If there's one thing I need it's to try and make it in NYC. I have teachers and (some) friends on my side.

However...
The one thing I don't have and want  need desperately is the support of my mom.

I will prove her wrong. 

"Tis the season for cranky customers"

At work a few days back it seemed as though every customer was cranky about something. No matter what it was they had something to whine about. A friend/co-worker of mine put it in the best way possible, "Tis the season for cranky customers." You would think everyone would be spreading holiday cheer and would be courteous towards others. Wrong. They are more rude than any other time of year. You must be thinking, "Why Stacey, you're crazy! Everyone is so happy around the holidays." Well dear readers, this used to be the case but all of the Black Friday deals and counting down the shopping days until Christmas has just made everyone thrifty and in a "go go go" attitude. It takes all the fun out of Christmas when you are fighting others for a TV that's 50% off. Is it really worth getting minimal amounts of sleep and standing in the cold for hours? Christmas is supposed to be about giving, yes, but not when all people care about are the material possessions. It's devastating to me that all anyone cares about is what  the next cool thing is going to be that they can get their hands on. I will say on Black Friday none of the customers I came into contact with yelled at me.  I was shocked...this was different from a few years ago. However, I worked when many people were going to wait in line so they hadn't reached their breaking points yet. Either that or they got the goods they wanted. I received many "Merry Christmas!" and, "Happy holidays!" wishes. So I will say thank you to those who didn't bite my head off when I brought out the hot Caramel Mochas and Peppermint Hot Chocolates. Black Friday is a stressful day for retail workers and people in the food industry.

What customers don't realize is that the earlier stores open (yes, you get good deals) the earlier everyone else opens. I would have much rather spent the night with my family but I had to get ready to work.

So..maybe this year isn't the season for angry customers and it's finally the season to be jolly.

Thanks For the Memories

On this day four years ago I called my mom from school to see if one of my friends could come over for dinner. My grandma had been sick and we weren't expecting her to be with us much longer. My mom sounded distressed and instantly I knew something was wrong. But, surprisingly, it wasn't about my grandma..it was about my aunt. My aunt had died and it came out of left field. I wasn't really close with my aunt but now I wish I would have been. You never know how much time you have with someone. A year ago tomorrow we had to put my dog down. I still think about her all the time and tear up. Nothing I can do will bring her back and it kills me inside. Something I will always have are my memories. I will remember my aunt how she was and I still had 18 years with her. I had 14 with my dog but that still wasn't enough. When I was younger I would joke that I was going to clone her so she would live forever. So, thanks for the memories Penny and Aunt Sandy. I love you and rest in peace.

Penny

About two months ago my family found out my dog had cancer...she was 14 years old so it really wasn't too much of a shock. The vet told us she either had 2 months or 2 years left. Pretty vague. So, my parents decided to get her pain pills. Not only because that would help her, but it was the only option since she was too old to have surgery. She was doing better. She was able to walk around the house more and she was more playful and didn't hate to be pet. Then, she slowly started getting worse. I didn't want to see it at first, until I had to force myself to realize she might not be with us much longer. She wasn't eating...she laid around all day...and she didn't even want to go outside to go the bathroom. The vet also said if she started vomiting it was a bad sign...guess what happened? I was at my friends house and we were watching movies and playing games on the Wii. She was helping to distract me from the dramas of my life (my break up with my boyfriend, my sick dog, and my sister moving to Florida with her now husband) and for a little while I thought, "Hey, maybe things are finally turning around." It was about 3:30a.m. and we were saying our good byes when my phone rang. It was my mom..typical. I figured I was going to get a call from her soon because I wasn't home yet. But this phone call was different...she sounded exhausted and distressed. She asked if I was coming home or staying the night at my friends & when I said I was just about to leave she blurted out, "Penny's sick. Your Dad and I are going to take her to the vet tomorrow morning and she might not come back." I had no idea how to react to this...the dog that I have had since I was 6 years old was going to die. On our hand none the less. I rushed home to find my mom and sisters crying and sitting with her in the living room...and, of course, I joined them. We were up until 5:30am with her. When I got up at 8:00 to get ready for work my family was already awake...it was a sleepless night in the Rate household. My dad came home and we said our final goodbyes. He put her leash on and walked her out to the car and she started wagging her tail because she was going for a ride, even though it was her last. I said, "Don't be excited!" and we couldn't control our emotions any longer...this was one of the worst days I had had in a long time. She was my companion. My best friend. Whenever I had a bad day I would hug and pet her and sometimes sing/dance around the room and she seemed to like that. When she would look at me it was as if she was saying, I'll be ok Stacey. I'm here for you." It's going to be hard coming home and not seeing her. In my mind she still isn't gone. It just feels like she is in another room sleeping, or she's at the groomers getting a haircut. I don't think it will sink in for another few days. I still remember everything that happened the day we got Penny...and I will never ever forget her. She was the best dog and will be irreplaceable.